| (no subject) |
[Jun. 7th, 2006|08:00 pm] |
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nodo ga itai. =TT^TT=
its from singing too much fly to the sky i think.
damn imitating hwanhee is SO hard lollol
but super fun :DD
i spent today singing with kate [online]
hahahah xDDD
funfun :33
oishii~ icecream on a cold day.
i dont trust pleated skirts x_x;; ano, i'll try again *rolls eyes.
THIS ESSAY IS SOOO ANNOYINGGGGGGG
essay for various figures in European history that were most influetial in the last 600 years.
who cares.
ja ne! <333 |
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| secret garden |
[May. 3rd, 2006|03:36 pm] |
| [ | Raison D'Etre |
| | like im deathalizing. | ] |
| [ | Jam: |
| | Deftones, Digital Bath | ] |
i dont want to have to see through rosen eyes that keep my emotions locked away
i dont want to see him through a red veil that denies me the true color of his hair
or the real beauty of his eyes
the real beauty of him
but how else would i keep this sweet garden that burns away with the sting of attraction?
if happiness was forever then i wouldn't be there
you only learn through the deals sadness bargains with your heart
though, its painful to see you
to look at pixels of you and only digitize a dream that falters with the slightest change
im imprisoned in agony and chained to vanity
the worst thing is
you cant see it all and i couldnt possible convey it when we talk.
i'll try |
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| dir en grey concert. |
[Mar. 24th, 2006|12:27 am] |
| [ | Raison D'Etre |
| |  depressed | ] |
| [ | Jam: |
| | Cassis [Gazette] | ] |
i thought i could trust them i really did.
i thought they could change and i thought that theyd see how much i had changed since they last saw me at my weakest. but theyre ignorant and i cant help it and i cant change it. i dont want to stop and see them in a different light because i know no matter how much they change they'll always be the same. theyre static human lucifers theyve always been. only through a five year old's eyes were they God, only then were they the light in my life when i was down. and all this seems so small compared to what i feel now.
its like the love of my life is ripping me to shreds and i cant do it, because im letting him
i feel like such a bad person for not doing anything more, not trying anymore, not letting enough tears run to something that changed my life
they dont understand and thats what makes me cry most
because i cant take it when im forgotten
because im just some stupid teenager
im so much more than that
i dotn want to let it all out
i dont want to show it
i dont want to be called emo when im not
i dont want to attract attention
yet i do that the best out of all
im so afraid that this moment may not come again
none of their "it'll happen again its nothing big" is never right
and i dont want to be proven wrong
i feel so bad for missing out on this
i feel so alone in this
because everyone's caught up in their own emotions
and they dont know what to say
because were all self centered and we can only feel so much for others
empathy
or no empathy.
people are caught up in their own little worlds and im caught up in mine
but even those who share my interests are gone before the eyes so clouded with tears that fear for the one who sheds them.
those who are supposed to care for me, those whom ive hated since five years young
ive given up on them changing
them loving
them becoming the modern parents they will never know
because theyre too caught up in themselves,
my father caught up in his selfish evil wife
shes kept me from it all
and ive lied my way to her eyes
but even that wont stop her from blacking out what she can in my life
she probably wouldnt accept the person i give my heart to
i couldnt feel love once
i didnt know what it was
i couldnt live right because i didnt know what was hitting me
and then i met jon and i wanted to be wtih him from the start
ive given my all to see him today
and like usual it cant come true
i was going to tell him today that ive been in love with him
without a care of what hed say
now i dont know what to do about it
im still in love with him
he still makes me smile
and i still want to tell him i love him before i die in old age
i wish he would just understand
and i wish with all my heart hed feel only a little bit of the same way
all these wishes
only one has come true
im making the same wish again
but things arent changing
i wished to fall in love and be happy with that love.
it came true once and once only
but now its stopped and weve both moved on.
im still wishing it, every day, every minute
every superstitious opportunity i have
but what good is it when you dont have enough faith?
i dont know if i do
do you?
when i say im blaming my parents for this
its not a lie
twenty years or a century
all my faults will be theirs to share.
they wanted something between us
they have it
they have my bleeding body under their disgusting grasp
and though im struggling to be free i cant
i wont ever be the bird
consider this trauma.
jon i love you.
i want to meet you so badly,
i want to make everything in your life go right the way youve made my life better in so many ways
its unlike me to just say it out
maybe im hoping somebody will tell you for me
but i dont want you to find out from anyone other than me
someday you'll know
someday we'll know what will happen from there
and i wish i had the courage to say it even before we meet
i wish i had the courage to tell you that youve been making my days
i wouldnt know where to begin
i just dont want to risk what we have now
i dont want to be like yuri and jacinda
i dont want to be like them in your eyes
its true ive told my friends about you
and as much as they tell me encouraging dreams
i dont want to fall into it
so as to ruin your perception of me
we will see in the future then ne?
your birthday is coming up...
i dont know what to get you...
i'll give you my heart. [laughs]
we'll see. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 22nd, 2006|11:46 pm] |
| [ | Raison D'Etre |
| |  distressed | ] |
| [ | Jam: |
| | Unmoved [M10M] | ] |
his nephew his dying.
i want to make him feel better.
i want to make his nephew not die.
i want to help them so much.
why havent we met yet...
whos excited for march ?
.. and what to do today. :T |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 20th, 2006|10:36 pm] |
| [ | Raison D'Etre |
| |  apathetic | ] |
| [ | Jam: |
| | Reflection [ Mulan, Christina Aguilera] | ] |
blup blup blup. i wish the font that LJ uses when you update / comment stayed that way. :|
LOL
wheres ryan and geno and +++ < whoever else geno always brings as a surprise.
blup blup. .. ..>.>
were so tired. [ me and kimi] from disneyland. weeeeee ]
yaay :DD |
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